Marty: It’s just that another year has come
and gone and I’m still doing the same old thing. Stand over here, trot over there. Eat some grass. Walk back over here.
Alex: I see your problem.
Marty: Maybe I should go to law school.
—Chris Rock as the voice of Marty the Zebra, and Ben Stiller as the voice of Alex the Lion in Madagascar
Let me say first that college isn’t for everybody. I don’t mean that as some sort of elitist/racist
snobbery—there are plenty of white kids from wealthy suburban families boozing
it up as frat house legacies who have no business darkening the door of a
university classroom. What I mean is
there are a large number of undergraduate students who lack the desire,
scholastic skills, and/or mental horsepower to perform in a college
environment.
That said, something about the modern U.S. academy is to a
large degree failing our young people in terms of preparing them to function in
the real world. Case in point: a new
analysis of government data by the Associated Press reveals that 54% of college
graduates under 25 were unemployed in 2011, compared with 41% in
2000. Many more are underemployed,
working outside their field of study in jobs that simply don’t require a
college degree.
As tuitions skyrocket, stories abound of students incurring
hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt only to find that at the end of their
four years (or however long it takes), there is no job for them to earn the
money to pay those loans back. Typical
of these stories is that of Michael Bledsoe, a 23-year-old Seattle resident
currently working as a barista for a little better than minimum wage. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for,” he
says, explaining that his job search has dwindled from sending three or four
resumes a day down to a current pace of one every couple of weeks.
The story's implicit undercurrent is that there must be something dreadfully wrong with the economy—presumably that something is George W. Bush's fault and only Obama can fix it—for this to be happening. But what’s interesting here is the study makes the shocking observation that your job prospects coming out of college have a great deal to
do with what you chose to study. There
is good demand for college graduates in hard sciences, education, and health,
but not so much for those with degrees in the arts or humanities, and the more esoteric you get, the worse your prospects. Mr. Bledsoe, discussed above, is surprised to learn
there aren’t many employers looking for someone with a degree in creative
writing (one wonders if his prominent nose ring and nearly dime-sized
aboriginal ear piercings might also be contributing factors).
Who knew?
This got me wondering just what courses of study our
universities are offering these days.
Looking through the on-line materials for the University of Texas at Austin, I see some gems such as:
Communications
Studies Texas tells prospective
students that this major “prepares a student for . . . any job involving
interaction with people.” In other
words, we don’t know how, but this major
prepares you to do anything. Really?
Bachelor
of Social Work According to Texas,
this major provides the training for students to seek “an exciting professional
career and land employment in many different public and private work settings.” Which
ones? Again, this gives so little
specifics that it basically says nothing.
American
Studies This major “is always
changing and can accommodate almost any interest or idea . . . If you can dream
it up, there’s probably a place for it in American Studies . . . American
Studies is so broad, it’s great preparation for work or graduate school.” I think
they could have left out the “work” part.
This looks essentially to be a major in attention deficit disorder.
Texas also offers the obligatory palette of ethnic/sexual
orientation self-contemplation majors: African and African Diaspora Studies,
Asian-American Studies, Mexican-American Studies, European Studies (I assume
this is somehow something different than “History”), Hebrew Language and
Literature (not to be confused with the separate Jewish Studies), Islamic
Studies (not to be confused with the separate Middle Eastern Studies), Latin
American Studies, Scandinavian Studies, and, of course, the ubiquitous Women’s
and Gender Studies. Not just to pick on
Texas, I can report that similar offerings appear in the student catalogue at
my alma mater, Rice University, and even at the venerable Harvard (which offers classic courses of study like “Urban Education and
Leadership”—apparently at the Yard you can actually major in Barack Obama). One suspects that the menu is very similar at
virtually any other American university.
How did we get here?
Somewhere in the Spockian move to shield children from all
negative outcomes and encourage them to be and do whatever makes them happy—regardless of how impractical or unproductive it might be—we
seem to have developed a collective assumption that all you have to do is show
up at a college and do your time however you please, and the American Dream
will be handed to you as your birthright.
And, of course, Obama is now playing to that assumption as a
vote-driver, upping the ante to all but promise that not only will it all be
handed to you, but the government will pay for it.
Let’s understand something.
The idea that in America you’re free to be anything you want to be does
not include the idea that society is obligated to make it work for you. Nobody owes you a college education; certainly
not one in whatever perverted art form (apparently vandalizing someone else’s
pro-life demonstration by covering it with thousands of condoms now
passes as the serious college-level study of art, right up there with welding
toilet parts into random shapes) or narcissistic navel-gazing you and a tenured
professor manage to agree merits a B.A.
And nobody owes you a job when you get out. Just because you find Atlantean Language and
Literature fascinating doesn’t mean anyone else—other than the professor who
taught you—does. More to the point, your
interest in that subject doesn’t make you valuable to a prospective employer.
We’ve discussed this before.
Jobs don’t exist as a matter of constitutional right, and they don’t
exist because government creates them.
Jobs exist because someone who owns a business (typically for profit)
has a task they need done. My guess is
there simply isn’t much demand out there for someone with a degree in “Museum
Studies” (a real major at Harvard).
No, I don’t consider college simply a trade school. And yes, there is merit to broadening one’s
mind for its own sake. If your life
won’t be complete until you’ve spent four years studying the great works of
Esperanto, ancient Eskimo ice painting, or social justice and the Yeti, go for
it. But when you borrow $100,000—often
from the federal taxpayer—to do it, you need to have a plan for how you’re
going to pay it back, because that’s the agreement you made when
you borrowed it. Don’t come to
me as the surprised victim of a grand conspiracy by the 1% when you find
yourself six figures in debt and unable to pay it back because no one will hire
you with a degree in Hyphenated-American Urban Lesbian Studies.